Singles Dating sites - The answer to an age old problem? Or just another site for sleaze bags? Well, the answer is.......both.
Internet Dating Sites have been around in some fashion since the internet has been available to use publicly. Introduction agencies first advertised on bulletin boards in the 1980's and with the advent of web browsers for the world wide web in the 1990's some sites started up.
Most sites now cater for differing preferences, there are sites for casual attachments, gay and lesbian sites, race based sites, professionals and over 30's sites and the more mainstream singles sites catering for male and female singles.
The mainstream sites come in two varieties, those that have an ongoing fee, usually monthly, and others that are totally free to join and use.
These sites over the last couple of years are now so widespread in use (about 2,000 folks worldwide joining a site per DAY), that most people have either used or are using a site or know of a friend or family member whom uses or has used one.
So what happens when one uses a site?
Well irrespective of which site one uses that's either pay per month or free, one commonality is you set up a profile outlining information for as little or as much, about yourself. These may include your age, if you have children or not, a smoker or non smoker, hobbies, your tastes in music, books, movies, social activities, your size (usually mention as slim, slender, athletic, average, a little heavy or BBW) and the like. A second part of your profile may have you outline what your looking for in a potential partner as well as how far one is willing to look (say looking for someone within 50 miles from your area).
Further options are provided for your relationship type or combination of, including friends only, casual relationship, casual dating, an activity partner and/ or long term partner.
Based on your input for your profile, you may receive emails containing prospective partners for you to view. Almost all these sites have a search option where you can define your search parameters for a potential mate or friend.
How to contact a profile depends on the site, it may be via a short message (an internal email), a selection of a pre-defined message selected from a list, or a in-house chat room or combination of.
So whats some of the potential issues that may arise from these sites? Well , they seem to be plenty and female horror stories seem to far outweigh those from men.
The worst stories are those about 'trolls', trolls are men whom are either in a relationship or married, who troll (look through profiles and persistently contact) female profiles to solicit casual encounters, in the hope of obtaining that 'bit on the side'.
These men will contact women and will outright be straight up with telling the female what they want, regardless if a female specifically is NOT requesting that kind of contact. To these men, it's a numbers game.
The downside is that these type of men are now using a 'sweet and innocent' routine that now actually ruins it for the genuine guys. They will sweet talk a female and then usually show their true colours when they reach a first or second date.
The next worse horror story is the 'deceit profile picture/s'. Those whom (both men and women have done this) put up a picture that is either years old, or not even of themselves!!! So if the two parties eventually meet, it may become extremely uncomfortable for one party. Quite deceitful too.
There are many more horror stories I won't outline here, yet there are also some successful results from using these sites. These are the genuine people whom have made a connection, maybe from becoming fast friends to begin with or that magical love at first site.
So, here are some tips one can use for at least minimizing the possible irritations and pitfalls. Pass these on to someone whom you may know that is using a singles site.
Your profile - be truthful, yet tactful, talk about what you do, what interests you, your hobbies and even if its one line, about where you want to head in life. We all want to come across as very interesting, yet we don't live celebrity lives. Also, don't be afraid to omit aspects of your life that you feel more comfortable talking about if you are going out with someone you eventually feel comfortable with. Use recent pictures of yourself, and don't use pictures obscuring yourself, as in wearing sunglasses. Almost all sites allow you to put up pictures yet hide them until you wish to divulge it to another party, there is nothing wrong with this either.
Let people know what kind of prospective partner you are looking for and don't be afraid to say. If you don't want a smoker, say so, same as if you are not interested in someone under a certain height.
Contacting a profile - if someone seems interesting to you, contact them, same for you gals! If you see a guy that looks interesting contact him. If you get the brush off from a first contact, don't despair, these sites are a little of a numbers game.
If you have contact and a good reply, ask questions yet be polite, you trying to find out here if you are a potential fit for one another. Ask questions about the persons profile and move on from there.
Continued contact - If you are ready to move it to the next level, one or both may want contact outside the forum of the dating site, this may be using a instant message program like MSN or Yahoo Messenger, or even contact via cell phone.
The first meet - This is most likely the initial hardest decision both parties can make. A get together for coffee? A dinner date? A trip to the movies? Something short is usually best for a first meet as you both get an opportunity to meet in person and see if nature takes its course, or the feeling that you should make a swift exit.
If a person doesn't come across as someone as the potential you seek, be honest and polite and end the meet gracefully.
A tip for the gals, before you meet a guy, let a family member or good friend know where you will be and what time you expect to be back. Always, always, always meet in a public place. Don't give out your surname, where you work, or your home address, if asked, just tell the person your not comfortable giving out that information. Dress nicely, but not over the top.
A tip for the guys, be on time!!! If your not, how do you think that will come across for future events? If you know your going to be late, call your date and let them know before! Dress smart casual, it may be a meet only for coffee, yet don't turn up in ripped jeans and a plain old t-shirt. Don't snort, scratch inappropriately or sniff loudly, gals will pick up on this REAL fast. BE polite.
A tip for both, on your first meet, if your both happy, and you have coffee and/or a light meal, agree to go dutch for paying. DON'T talk about your ex, nothing is a bigger turn-off for either party, leave that conversation for another time (if you are seeing each other for future dates)
If it looks like you both enjoy one another's company, you can make for another date at that time, or when you thank each other on the phone later. Just remember, there is no rush.
Above all, for most people, dating sites is something new to try, its exhilarating and nerve racking an experience, yet it can be fun when you follow some simple rules, and common sense. If it doesn't don't be put off, put it down to a learning experience. If it works out for you, success to you and your new partner.
